Forget Thee Not
by Tauna Petit-Strawn
Summary: A short three chapter story that came to me after writing "Thicker Than Water". It's centered on Tom Barkely and his time with Leah. Only Rated T due to subject in Chapter two,
1. Chapter 1

**Forget Thee Not 1 of 3 **(inspired by Victoria's confession to her children in "Thicker Than Water")

The light from the stars and the moon slid in through the window of the small one room home outside Strawberry. Tom lay on the bed burning with fever. "How is he Miss Leah?" Hannah, who was one of Leah Sawyer's good friends, asked as she watched Leah place yet another wet rag upon the stranger's face. A stranger the women called Jack out of the need to call him something.

"Holding his own," sighed Leah. "I wish the sheriff would find the men who jumped him. They belong in a cell." Leah added, as she thought over the past two weeks and on the man she'd only seen from a far. She'd wondered who he was, but never asked. Why should she? It wouldn't have been right to make inquiries. At least she knew that by so doing it would make her look no better than one of the saloon girls. That being the case, she'd simply admired the tall, blonde haired gentleman from a distance. That is, until two nights ago when she heard a commotion while standing in the hotel kitchen. The noise was coming from behind the hotel.

Leah grabbed her brother's pistol which sat on a nearby shelf and opened the back door. The moment she stepped out of the building, she saw two men standing over the blond haired gentleman. One look at the pistol in her hand and the two thugs fled. She'd run down the few steps in front of her, across the brown dirt below her feet and knelt down by his side. Then within minutes, she had put her foot down with her spineless brother and gotten him to help her move him to Hannah's house. She had known the black woman would not turn her or the wounded man away; Hannah hadn't disappointed her.

"You should find out who he be. Maybe his family is worried." Hannah said the umpteenth time. Though she didn't know why, Leah only gave her the same answer, only this time she added a bit and snapped as she did so.

"No need to ask, he'll tell us when his fever breaks. Now stop it! He needs our undivided attention!" Leah sighed as she ran her hand down the side of Tom's face. It had been fifteen months since she had a man in her life. Her husband, Charlie Sawyers, had drowned in the river. She'd grieved hard the first year, but now, the past three months, she'd simply felt alone. Right or wrong, she didn't want to know who he was yet. If she did, she just might find herself all alone again.

Hannah shook her head and went back to what she'd been doing. As she worked Leah kept her eyes on her patient and began to hum one of her favorite songs. Before either woman was really aware of it they were singing _the song softly together. _

_I remember, I remember_

_The house where I was born,_

_The little window where the sun_

_Came peeping in at morn;_

_He never came a wink too soon,_

_Nor brought too long a day,_

_But now, I often wish that night_

_Had bourne my breath away!_

_But now, I often wish that night_

_Had bourne my breath away!_

_I remember, I remember_

_The roses, red and white,_

_The vi'lets and the Lilly cups,_

_Those flowers made of light!_

_The lilacks where the robin built,_

_And where my brother set_

_The liburnum on his birthday,–_

_The tree is living yet!_

_The laburnum on his birthday,–_

_The tree is living yet!_

_I remember, I remember_

_Where I was used to swing,_

_And thought the air must rush as fresh_

_To swallows on the wing;_

_My spirits flew in feathers then,_

_That is so heavy now,_

_And summers pools could hardly cool_

_The fever on my brow!_

_And summers pools could hardly cool_

_The fever on my brow!_

_I remember, I remember_

_The fir trees dark and high;_

_I used to think their slender tops_

_Were close against the sky,_

_It was a childish ignorance,_

_But now 'tis little joy_

_To know I'm farther off from heav'n_

_Than when I was a boy._

_To know I'm farther off from heav'n_

_Than when I was a boy._

As Leah and Hannah quit singing, Tom stirred and opened his eyes. In his fevered state of mind it was Victoria he saw, instead of Leah and the look of look of concern he could not help but question. Hadn't she told him she could care less what happened to him as he'd robbed her of their infant sons? "I…I'm s…orry." The words slipped out of his mouth as he fought to keep his eyes open.

Of course, not knowing about Tom's past, or of his family in Stockton, Leah and Hannah were left to think he had been apologizing to them. They thought he feared he was a burden to them. "There's nothing to be sorry for. You'll be fine. Hannah and I will take care of you, sir." Leah's smile was full of kindness and compassion.

_Hannah?_ Tom wondered who Hannah was. He knew no Hannah. What was his wife talking about? However, before he could ask, Tom's eyes closed and he lost his fight to stay awake. Once Leah was sure Tom had actually fallen into a deep sleep, she stood up and walked out the front door, feeling the need for fresh air.

It wasn't long before Hannah came out of the house and stood by her side. "Miss Rachel, she say she come by tomorrow. She bring more food for me." Hannah looked at Leah.

Leah turned her head, looked at Hannah and said quietly. "Every woman has the right to have a chance to dream, the right to hope. I'm not asking you or Rachel to like that man being here. I know once he's fully awake he can tell us what his name really is and that we will have to contact his family. Only, for now, please I ask only one thing. Let me dream just for a little while."

Because Hannah knew all that had happened in Leah's short twenty-three years and knew how it was to dream, she nodded slowly. "Okay." She then watched as Leah went back inside and sat back down by the unconscious man's side.

**~oOo~ **

* "I Remember I Remember" (29 Sep 1828)

Written by

THOMAS HOOD

composed by

C. Meineke.

[Christopher Meineke (1782-1850])

Baltimore, MD: G. Willig Jr.

[Source: 064/036 Levy]


	2. Crossing that Line

***For those of you who would like to refresh Victoria's thoughts/confession, you can reread Chapters 5 (where she is silently thinking about the situation) and 14 (where she is telling her children about it) in the story "Thicker than Water".**

**2 of 3**

"Tom..." Tom, who was finally sitting up, looked at Leah, Hannah and their friend Rachel. Rachel had been helping taking care of Tom once she learned what had happened. They had just asked him who he was. The moment he said his first name his eyes were on Leah. He was shocked that he didn't want to tell him his last name. If he did, he knew they'd send a wire to Stockton. Still hurting over the fact that no matter what he tried to do Victoria continued to push him away and still grieving for the twins they'd lost, Tom found he didn't want anyone to know what had happened. He wanted more time with this woman, the woman who he'd just been told had saved his life when she stepped out of the hotel's kitchen.

Still, in spite of that, he knew he should answer the question. However, when he went to, Tom shocked himself when he lied and said, "I don't know my last name."

Shock shone on all their face, Leah asked. "You don't know who you are? Do you remember anything else?" If he could even remember the name of a friend, she and her friends could wire them.

Unwilling to admit he'd just lied, Tom shook his head. "Tom is all I remember." He'd only been away from home for a week when he was attacked and the women standing beside the bed he lay in said he'd been attacked two weeks ago. He was sure no one would be looking for him and he was sure Victoria would start looking for him for a few more weeks. In fact, with the way he had left, he would be surprised if she even looked for him at all.

He saw the pity that Leah and the others felt for him. "Well," Leah stood up, "until you are completely healed up, you can stay here." She looked at Hannah as her eyes added; "Please,"

Hannah looked at Rachel, who only shrugged her shoulders knowing it wasn't her home the man would be staying in, and then back at Leah and Tom. "Of course, you'll be staying here. You are not well enough to go anywhere else." She then walked away saying she had laundry to do. Rachel, after giving Leah a concerned look, excused herself saying she had work to do.

**~oOo~**

Tom sat next to the creek as Leah sat nearby mending a shirt for one of the miner's in town. The two were enjoying a quiet afternoon. Due to the fact that she and Hannah had refused to turn him out, Martha had fired her from the hotel. When Tom had first learned that, he'd felt quite guilty and offered to leave, but Leah would not hear of it. "Ain't nothing wrong with you staying here, it's not like we're alone in the house." Those had been her exact words.

"Charles thought he'd find gold and strike it reach." Leah told him after he asked what brought her and her late husband out to California. "We were never blessed with children."

Tom gazed out over the creek. He had been away from home for two months now. He and Leah were spending a quiet afternoon simply sitting near the creek near her home. He felt a jolt of lightening shoot through him as relived a painful memory. He could see their wagon rolling; the wagon carrying his family, carrying his and Victoria's infant twins. Because the color in his face almost disappeared, Leah quickly put down the shirt in her hands and flew to his side. "Tom?" she put her hand on his shoulder.

Without thinking what he was saying, Tom whispered, "I had children once. My wife and I were traveling, something spooked the horses, they went wild. The wagon…it rolled somehow. I was thrown…I tried to get…" he stopped speaking as the scene in front of his eyes finished playing itself out. Because, he did not finish, Leah made the assumption his whole family had been killed in the tragic accident.

Thinking Tom was 'finally getting some memories' back, Leah said, "I'm so sorry, Tom. No one should have to lose their whole family that way."

His whole family? Tom turned his head and looked into Leah's eyes; full of the hurt she felt for him. Up to that moment, Tom had not fully realized he was talking out loud. "I…" he went to correct the misunderstanding and found himself unable to. Instead he found himself reaching out and pulling the woman who had shown him such mercy towards him.

"Tom…" Leah whispered, as he covered her mouth with his. Her mind told her to insist that he stop only there was such feeling, such need in the kiss. That was something she'd never felt before. The world around her started disappearing as she felt Tom's tongue slide into her mouth and start ravishing it while he pulled her even closer.

For Tom's part any portion of him that started chastising him for what he was doing was pushed aside as the need for someone to accept his affections grew. Only when Leah pulled away did Tom stop. For a moment, neither one of them said anything. "I think I best take my mending back inside." Leah hurried and gathered her things, looked at Tom again and then started for the house. By the time she stepped inside, Tom was right behind her.

"I'm sorry, Leah. I never should have done that. It's just…" Tom struggled knowing that, no matter how one looked at it, he shouldn't have kissed her like that. "I think, maybe, it's best if I do leave. Before… I'm sorry." He turned to leave only to find Leah's hand on his arm. He turned his head and looked into her eyes. He was shocked to see the desire that that was in her eyes.

With Hannah away helping Rachel, Tom pushed away his conscience and took Leah in his arms. "Are you sure, Leah?" Tom's voice was gruff and raspy by the time he stopped kissing her and pulled back just enough to look into her eyes.

Leah, who _was _a good enough woman, saw Tom up on the roof fixing the leaks. She saw him mending the fences and helping with the horses. She saw him kneel down and give one of the children who happened to pass by a piece of candy. She heard the two of them laughing and talking like a couple of school children. But, she also saw the look of a man who was lost and trying to find his way back. Because he had let her believe the lie he'd purposely told, the one here he said he did not know his last name, and the fact that he had chosen not to correct what had begun as an innocent misunderstanding, Leah naturally thought Tom was simply worried about her reputation. Yet he loved her, she could see it in his eyes and the way he had kissed her… she just knew that sooner or later he would put a ring on her finger. So, even though she'd told herself to wait until that day came, the day he married her to give herself to him a thousand times, Leah now stepped over the line as she slid her arms up his back. "Hannah won't be back until just before dark." She answered quietly and gently pressed herself against him.

That did it. Tom groaned, picked her up and carried her over to the bed.


	3. Forget Thee Not

**The letter at the end comes straight from the episode "Boots With My Father's Name."**

**~oOo~**

Leah whistled as she walked down the road toward the home she shared with Hannah and Tom. She knew people were saying a lot of things behind her back because she and Hannah continued to let 'that man' stay with them. And she knew, with the news the doctor had just given her, that there'd be more tongues wagging. Only thing was, she didn't care. She was far too happy. The past three and a half months had been heaven. Tom had worked on, and fixed, anything in, on or around the house that needed mending. And their nights…it had never been like this with Charles. She couldn't wait to get back to the house and tell Tom the wonderful news.

Tom, who had gone for a walk, was almost to the house when he saw Leah off in the distance. He felt the weight of the world pressing down upon his shoulders. While he loved Leah, he had come to realize as innocent as he was when it came to his sons' death, he was completely guilty of using the wonderful woman, who people were now referring to as Mr. Thomson's woman. Thomson was the last name she had insisted on giving him, saying he had to have one, saying the name fit as he was someone's son wasn't he? Only problem was, he loved Victoria, Jarrod and Nick more. He couldn't keep betraying them; he had to go back. That is, if Victoria would even take him back after this.

As Leah grew closer, Tom was riddled with guilt. How was he going to tell this woman, this beautiful, wonderful, compassionate woman, that he really hadn't lost his whole family in the tragic accident? That he'd simply been running away from his problems, the issues and from the coldness in his own home? For a man everyone thought was so strong, Tom knew just how weak he really was. By time Leah reached the house, he was sitting on the steps looking like he was a thousand miles away.

Instantly, Leah knew something was wrong. "What is it, Tom?" She asked as she sat down by his side and laid her hand upon his knee. She was shocked when he pulled his knee away, stood up and took a few steps. Since he never stood with his back to her, Leah knew something had to be terribly wrong. She waited a few minutes to see what he would do. When he didn't do anything, Leah stood up and walked to his side.

"Tom," she said as she took a hold of his arm and insisted he turn around. Again, she was shocked to see the look of pain and anguish in his eyes. As far as she knew nothing tragic had happened in town…she stopped her thoughts, as she looked around for Hannah. She started to panic thinking something must have happened to her dear friend.

Tom, seeing her actions and realizing what she must be thinking, quickly started speaking. "Hannah's all right. Rachel picked her up an hour ago."

Leah stopped looking around and then asked, confusion showing in her eyes, "What is it then? Why are you so upset?"

"Oh Leah," Tom laid his hands upon her shoulders. "I have let my own grief and pains overshadow my good sense and honest reasoning. I have taken advantage of your hospitality, your compassion and, most of all, the love you have given me." His voice broke as he knew that, having started, he could not stop. "I cannot stay here any longer. I don't belong here."

Leah's heart stopped and her confusion grew. "Why? You have no family, you have no place to go, and you have me."

Tom could see the tears that were getting ready to roll down her cheeks, making the guilt he felt grow. "I…I only lost two of my sons in that accident." He confessed and watched as Leah stepped back, her eyes widening. "I tried to get to them…really I did; only I failed. My wife blamed me, said it was my fault and turned her back on me. My other two sons were put in the middle of our fights. I couldn't take it anymore, so I left." He took a step towards Leah, only to find the woman recoiling back, disbelief now showing on her face. "I'm sorry Leah; I never planned on leading you on. Only, the compassion you showed me, the comfort offered me…I hadn't felt that for so long. It felt so good…can you ever forgive me?"

Forgive him? Leah fought back to keep her tears from falling. She loved him, had lain with him more than once and now she carried his child within her womb. A part of Leah told her to tell him about the baby, but what would she have then? There was no way her brother or sister-in-law would reconsider anything now. Had she not been so hurt by his confession, Leah might have thought to ask him what his last name was. As it was, she ran for the house; Tom was right behind her.

"Leah!" Tom ran through the open door and hurried over to the sink where she was standing. "I'm sorry, really I am. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Go!" Leah turned on him. "Go back to your wife and sons. I'll pray for both of you, pray you can get past the loss of your children and move on together. Just go!" Leah was yelling by the time she was finished, her eyes burned with hurt, pain and anger. Tom went to say something else and then simply sighed, gathered up his things and walked out the back door.

Leah, who had made her way to the back porch, sat on the rocking chair that set next to the door. As she watched Tom ride away, she laid her hands on her stomach and let the tears fall. She didn't know what she was going to tell the child growing inside of her; she didn't know what time would bring. All she knew for sure was, right or wrong, she loved Tom and he had loved her. She'd felt it. Now, she had a part of him and she didn't intend to give that part up, even if it meant she'd just lost any chance of having a comfortable life. It didn't matter because she'd have a child; his child.

**~oOo~**

Leah sat on the back porch of the home she shared with Hannah watching her two year old blonde son, Heath Thomson, playing with the stick horse Rachel and she had made for him. In her hand she held a letter, a letter Tom had sent her seven months after he left Strawberry, though the letter had sat beside her bed for another six months before she could bring herself to open it. And then she didn't know whether to laugh or cry as she read it. Once in awhile, like today, she could pull it out and read it once more. Her eyes again fell on a portion of the letter.

"…_.You're a wonderful woman, Leah. Perhaps the only woman in the world I could have loved as much as I love my wife. And someday very soon, I hope, you'll meet someone. You'll fall in love as you deserve, and he will love you as you deserve to be loved. And you'll be as happy as I am, as proud as I am of my family. You must marry Leah. You must have children. You were meant for that." _

_Sincerely yours, _

_Tom Barkley"_

"Mama! I 'idin' the 'orse!" Heath's squeal of delight brought Leah out of her thoughts. Looking at Heath, she thought back to the day Tom had disappeared out of sight, and she began smiling at their son and started singing.

_Then be it so, and let us part, _

_Since love like mine has fail'd to move thee; _

_But do not think this constant heart, _

_Can ever cease, in grate to love thee _

_No spite of all thy cold disdain _

_I'll bless the hour when first I met thee; _

_And rather bear whole years of pain, _

_And rather bear whole years of pain, _

_then e'en for one short hour forget thee, _

_Forget thee No. Forget thee! No. _

_Forget thee! No, Forget thee! No._

**oOo~**

***** "Forget thee! No" (circa 1820s)

Sung by

Mrs. Burke,

with universal applause,

and Composed for her

by

A[rthur]. Clifton.

[aka Philip Antony Corri, 1784-1832]

Words by Mrs. Opie.

Baltimore: T. Carr's Music Store, 78 1/2 Baltimore St.

Where may he had Composed by A. Clifton, "Auld lang syne"

arrd. as a P. Forte Duett, _Blue ey'd Mary" with Var; _"O tell

me how from love to fly"_ "Hyzza, here's Columbia," "The green

spot which blooms o'er the Desert of life"_ "The Rejected

Lover"_ Freedom," &c.&c.

"It Was God Who Made Honky Tonk Angels", sung by the late Kitty Wells, also came to mind as I wrote this story…even if Leah isn't a "Honky Tonk Angel" in this story.


End file.
